The Diary of a New Moon Rising
by Anna Marie Masen
Summary: Set from when Edward Leaves in New moon... different storyline... Written almost like a diary with accounts from differnt characters and marked by dates... lots more drama...
1. September 26

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**_SEPTEMBER 26_**

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**BELLA:** He is gone. I still cant believe he left but what did I really expect? I'm nothing more than a fragile, unimportant, boringly average human and he is practically … words fail me. Even now just thinking about him is ripping my heart apart, the hole in my heart growing quickly and sucking everything that I once was into the nothingness that he left behind.

Sitting by my window I watched the sky darkening off, the shadows pushing further along the grass towards the house, making everything disappear into the nothingness as it creeps closer and closer to me. Twilight. The time of day that was the safest for them, the easiest time for them and my worst time. I had apparently picked up his masochistic tendencies, everyday I made sure to be sitting at my window in time to catch the full twilight experience and found myself wondering what they were doing at that exact moment in time.

Charlie is pacing downstairs, he is worried about me and I know this but there is nothing that I can do about his worries just yet. I thought it was meant to get easier as the days passed but I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I know this. Yet, I cant seem to stop myself.

I haven't returned to school or work yet, in fact I haven't left my house yet.

Renee had come and begged me to go with her after the first seven days of not moving from the bed. She had even began packing my things while I sat for the first time in the rocking chair looking out my window, waiting. It hadn't been long before I realised that if I left, I couldn't wait. If he ever came back I wouldn't know. I knew it was irrational given that he promised he was never coming back but what if by some miracle he did… I had thrown what others would consider a 'hissy fit'. As she packed, I unpacked. As she shouted, I shouted.

Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I felt the first tear finally breaking the barrier and running down my face. Others soon followed and before I knew it I was cradled in her arms on my bed with streams of tears following that I couldn't seem to stop. The evening had settled into night and as the clock ticked the moon was replaced by the sun. And yet here I was, still crying. I couldn't seem to stop.

It wasn't so much that I felt better to let the tears out but that I was finally able to think around the pain again. To understand what I needed to do in order to convince my parents I was fine.

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**EDWARD:** Twilight. The perfect time of day for our kind, it was once my favourite time of day but now it was meaningless. Everything is meaningless. I was aware that being away from her would shatter me, I was more than aware of that fact if I'm honest. Every fibre of my being wanted her, wanted to see her, touch her. A few times I had seriously thought about returning to her. Once, I had begun the journey back to her.

I was only gone three days at the time, living in Alaska with our distant family - The Denali's - when Alice had received a vision without looking for one. There was no warning, no preparation time, just a quick flash that took me off guard and had me running for Forks.

I had never seen Bella's mother but it would have been impossible not to know her instantly - It was Bella, just a little older with lighter hair - she was packing bags of clothing, clothing that I knew, that I recognised. That soft blue silk shirt that I loved on Bella, the ugly brown jumper that covered her figure and made her look frumpy, the green skirt she wore to my house the first time she came… As Renee packed her clothes her eyes darted towards Bella sitting in the rocking chair by the window, my chair next to my sanctuary entrance. Bella stared uninterrupted out the window but from the angle Renee was watching her, I could see the emptiness on her face. The pain. I could have sworn I felt my heart stop beating all over again, the cold rush through it and it take its last pitiful splatter of beats before stopping entirely. Bella was leaving Forks. I couldn't get that look out of my mind, she wasn't Bella anymore, everything that made her who she was seemed gone… she was empty. I ran out the front door as the others shouted concerned questions in my direction but I kept on going. I was in port Angeles before I finally stopped running. It had hit me like a ton of bricks. She was upset now but she would move on better in Florida than Forks. Renee would help her and she would be safer in the sunny states as our kind preferred the colder, cloudier states.

It was at that moment that I truly realised I couldn't stay with my family anymore. I couldn't be a Cullen. Just being near any of them made me worse, it wasn't their fault. It was mine. I was jealous. Instead of returning back to Canada I continued south, heading for Mexico.

I was nearly out of Washington when I caught a scent I recognised. Victoria. It was fresh and not even five miles from Forks.

I began the hunt, afraid that she would be after Bella. After tracking her scent for a couple of days away from Forks, I decided that she mustn't of been after Bella and gave up. I was half way across America already and the scent only seemed to get further away as I followed it.

Standing now, looking at the moon, at the twilight hour, I couldn't help but wonder what Bella was up to. Was she still in Forks? Florida? Was she happy? Could she sleep better now that Forks was behind her? I decided to stick to my original plan and head to Mexico, the sun might be bright there but there are plenty of desolated areas to hide out and hopefully I might find a place I can be left alone to be with my thoughts without the constant irritation of peoples minds intruding.

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**ALICE:** I truly missed my friend. Edward was wrong, this was a bad idea. We shouldn't of left and he knew it but as always he had to be right. He couldn't just admit he was being a fool.

"She deserves better" that was his whole reasoning behind our departure from forks. How ridiculous. Bella was a big girl, she could make her own mind up on what she deserved. And she will.. He'll see. At least I hope he will…

Up until the day he finally left our family - the day he ran away - my visions remained the same. Bella would eventually join our family and then there was nothing. Like her whole future was erased. His plan was working and he was stronger than I had original assumed. I miss my friend. I want to go home. We all do.

Jasper is blaming himself for this whole mess, even though Edward assured him that's not why he left, as well as the message I passed on from Bella. However Jasper doesn't buy it, he knows that Edward would never of found the strength to leave Bella if he hadn't endangered her. I was never as aware of Jaspers gift as I am now, his emotional climate rolls off of him and no one has the courage to say anything. We all feel it, it effects us all but Esme and Carlisle are worried if they mention it, he will leave as well.

Esme is heartbroken and Carlisle seems to be in a panic most days trying to hide it but failing miserably. Emmett is serious about everything and Rose seems to be in a worse mood, if that's possible. My family is falling apart and I'm afraid I might lose them all.

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	2. October 1

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_**October 1**_

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**BELLA:** I left my house today, I didn't go far. Billy Black invited us down to his house and after a lot of mixed expression from Charlie as he asked me, I couldn't help but say yes. These were my problems after all. Not his. We left around midday, took us only fifteen minutes to reach La Push. The whole town was fully aware of my little breakdown and as much as I tried I just couldn't seem to find any space left to be embarrassed. I don't care. They're right. I watched out the window as the whole town passed before my eyes, eyes that were watching me as I watched them followed the police cruiser with sad and understanding expressions. This irritated me. It was the first real spark of any emotion I had felt since I spent all night crying. WHAT THE HELL DO THEY KNOW??? I shouted repeatedly in my head. How dare they feel sorry for me. They know nothing about me. Or about him… his secret… nothing.

Jacob Black sure had grown since I had seen him last at prom. He looked more like twenty two not sixteen. I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched him push his dad out the door and down to our car. Jacobs expression was different when he saw me though - happy - and so was Billy's, although he looked angry and irritated as he took in my new zombie look. I couldn't help but muse over both of there reactions. Billy's was more simple to understand. Of course he knew about the Cullen's secret already and so I came to the assumption that he was happy they had left but was irritated by the condition they left me in. As I watched him I remembered the day he came to warn me and I blew him off… he was right. I should have listened then… but if I could redo it, I wouldn't do a single thing differently. I don't know why but I was thankful for the short time I had with Edward, this pain I was feeling now was worth it for those few months.

Jacob… why was he looking at me like that? He was happy to see me I understood but there was an edge something I don't understand… something different. What was that? I mused over that for a while before I decided that I actually didn't care. Jacob tried to make conversation with me but I was too lost in my own thoughts to really think about what he was saying, Billy also tried and I found myself giving short blank answers praying for him to stop. I think Jacob understood I wasn't interested quickly because he invited me out to his garage while he worked on his car. I nearly ran to his shed. Anything to get away from the constant steams of questions and looks. I settled on the small chair in the corner watching him as he walked over and picked up tools, attacking the dent in the front bumper.

"Make yourself at home. Don't worry I wont talk." he winked at me then bent down to continue banging - what looked like a funny shaped hammer - of the bumper fiercely. I smiled back at him and for the first time I did it without even thinking about it. I sat in silence contemplating that and before I knew it over three hours had passed and Charlie was calling me to go. After quick goodbyes, I promised Jacob I would come back and sit in silence while he worked later on in the week.

We were nearly home when I thought I saw the one person I wished I would see. A silver Volvo - just like his - pulled out in front of us and I was positive I could see his eyes looking back watching me from the mirror. I froze - a habit I picked up from them - and I felt my eyes growing wide.

"Bella?" Charlie had interrupted me and I flashed my eyes to him. When I flashed back to the Volvo it was as if it changed in front of me. It was a Volvo but it wasn't silver, it was blue and it was nothing like his. And those eyes, staring back at me were light blue and too big to suit anyone's face. I was truly losing my mind. I caught Charlie watching me from the corner of his eye and I knew he understood what had just happened and that was when he said the words I hoped he wouldn't say to me again.

"Bells, I really think you should move with your mother…" I tried to interrupt but he stopped me. "… just listen, this isn't healthy being here. Your waiting for him and he's not coming back. But how about I make a deal with you?" a deal? He had me intrigued so I nodded for him to continue. "Go to Florida, just try to move on and if he does come back I will call you right away and you can come home then, or even if you really hate it in Florida you can come home. But please hon. You have to try."

I thought about what he was offering and about what I needed. Maybe a change would be a good thing. I didn't give him the answer but as we travelled further through the town I saw my 'friends' walking out of the diner where me and Charlie often eat. They were laughing and clinging on to each other and just watching there expressions made me want to run from them as fast as I could. No. This wasn't where I needed to be. I wanted to be alone. Florida offered me this. I knew no one and if I moved mid semester then I wouldn't have to start right away. I could really be alone.

I haven't finished packing but its nearly complete. My flight is booked and I leave forks behind me in the morning. I leave him behind me…

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**EDWARD:** Time passed even slower if it was possible. I had never really known hell until now. My world was ripped apart and all I had left was shreds of memories that hurt me to remember. There was only one thing I wanted in life and that was to fall into Bella's arms and watch her sleep but that was never going to happen. Not again.

My phone buzzed. "Alice?" I asked softly but irritated. I wanted to be alone but I knew that I couldn't really turn my back on them, they wouldn't let me.

"Edward. How are you?" she sounded so worried.

"Fantastic" I answered sarcastically. "What do you want?"

"No need to be so snippy. I'm calling you to ask you if you would please come back or let us join you. Everything is so wrong here Edward. Everyone's a mess!" she shrieked at me and that was all I could take. I flipped the phone shut and turned it off throwing it across the floor away from me. I slid down the wall and sat with my back against the radiator. I didn't need the heat but when I closed my eyes and really thought about her, allowed every memory assault me, I found it easier to pretend I was with her. It was a different heat but it was the best I had.

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**ROSALIE: **Stupid, selfish, moronic fool. I've managed to call him every bad name I have ever heard in the last hour. How could he just leave like that? Emmett was broken because of him, earlier on I tried to make a joke that my Emmett would have loved, one that he would have been able to continue with but nothing. Nothing. That was what he left behind him. Everyone was different. Alice wasn't shopping. Jasper just moped about bringing everyone down with his mood and Emmett he was just blank. Like a child on Christmas morning if the grinch existed and stole all the presents. I even offered to play fight with him - something I have never done and he's always begged me - but he just placed a hand on my shoulder and dropped his head before walking away. I couldn't even think about Esme and Carlisle without my heart breaking, not that I would show it. NO WAY! If someone sees you weak then you will forever be weak to them and there was no way I would ever allow anyone to see that side of me again. Even now when my own heart was breaking. I would never admit and I certainly will never EVER think about this near Edward but I actually miss Bella. She might be human and a fool for everything she is willing to lose for him but I had grown accustom to her and I'm use to losing people anymore. Besides she made me laugh and I know she didn't meant to but she made Emmett happy.


End file.
